Not Always Rosey

Hi Guys!
Sometimes I wonder how I come across to the people that read my blog and have done for a while now. I am a very private person and I hope nobody takes me the wrong way.

I have huge self esteem and self confidence issues and have done all my life, I know this is nothing new and i'm not the only one in this situation. So I find it hard to write what I am really feeling, I usually only touch the surface because I never want to offend anyone in any way accidentally.

One thing I do is blog the truth about my progress or how i'm feeling, generally it's good and i'm progressing well and that is mainly what you read but that doesn't mean that I am doing it easy, i'm not super human, it means that I don't blog when i'm down or struggling anywhere near as much as when I do when i'm happy and flowing along.
So 'i'm sorry if I may have come across that way, it seems kind of pig headed of me to think I am so good and I have no issues! This is not the case.

I blog about training more then anything else and that's because I love it and I really don't have issue there, but I am having continuous issues with my nutrition. I can go weeks will no problems and then I start doubting myself, that's when it gets messy for me and I get completely lost and feel the need to get help.
Lucky for me I spoke up a little in Lindy's forum and I was heard and now I am trying to get back on track again one day at a time.

Drinking is getting to much for me, I clearly can't go on drinking as many nights a week as I have been as it is depressing me during the day so this is my first priority, I must cut it down to once a week and thats final. I am not addicted to it I can go without but I have not been trying and that's the problem.

After a few posts at Lindy's forum I have learnt alot about myself and it made me realize that this is what my blog is for, to blog about things and get it out in the open, then read it and see it from another point of view, It's like analyzing yourself.
I have learnt that through my lack of confidence I lose trust in myself when it come to feeding my body, I need to trust myself more as I know what to do, I just need to believe it and stop freaking out by cutting my portion sizes down every time I feel self doubt about the meal, it is like a safety net, not sure so eat less, how am I to build muscle this way?? I train so freakin hard, so hard that I walk out of the gym each session knowing I couldn't have done more so I shouldn't be eating like a sparrow when i'm training like a lion.

Tonight's a good start, I have had no wine, just tea, and this will be the case right through till the weekend, I hope I only have a glass or two on Saturday night, and not Friday or Sunday as well, but i'm pretty angry with myself right now so I think I will stay on track.

I know I will feel better tomorrow, so I will post again soon.